The title may seem obnoxious to some people but, it’s all how we perceive what’s being written. To begin with, I would like to quote marriage as an everlasting bond of two people (emotionally as well as physically). Unlike other relations marriage does not come alone rather, it comes with a big responsibility and bondages that impart a sense of security and maturity to the people living in this institution. Along with this, there are certain observances which are being followed by every married man and woman, since, we were being taught to follow these observances strictly by our elders. Code of morality in the society is judged by certain things that are reflected outerly by a couple. Nobody knows the inside story. We have heard so much about both kind of marriages (love marriage and arranged marriage). Have anyone realised that even in the arranged marriage people fall in love later, after being married? Only difference to fall in love after marriage and even on being married is the “person” for whom we fall. It’s so obvious that we cherish the moments spent with a life partner. All the good and joyful times and even the lows of life together. Psychologically also, it’s somewhere imbibed in our minds that the other person whom we have taken as our life partner, we are in love with them from the day one, when both barely knew each other. But, honestly that’s a cheating to oneself. All it needs to fill up the gap in any relation is the time. Giving time to each other, developing understanding for the likes and dislikes of each other, their usual habits, from their favourite colour to their most disliked song, you need to know everything about your mate and that what’s called a perfect compatibility. It cannot be acquired merely by sleeping together from the day you get married and explaining yourself every day that it’s actually love. There are lot many couples we come across, who are not even sure whether they love their spouse or not? Or is the spark of love still alive between them? Some of us live confused while some even don’t pay heed to the inner conscience questions. We just know one thing and that is to go with the flow. This is not called transparency. We are not clear with our own self. What’s there on the tongue should be there in the heart. You need to insist on valuing relationships to attain harmony and peaceful living. Let’s take it further…
If your life partner does not understand you, have no respect for your beliefs and your concerned issues, if they do not wish to sit by your side and spend time with you at your weakest hours, then how can a person claim of love persisting in their married life. On the contrast, if there comes a person in your life, who shows you respect daily, is willing to support you, who has a heart to feel every silent sigh, compassion for the teary eyes and is willing to lend you the cold shoulder when you need it the most, would it be wrong to accept that? If marriages are destined to happen then there are divorces too happening on the same planet. Wrong happens only when people become wrong. Nothing gets spoiled all on its own. We humans are responsible for it. We all must have heard of the stories with the moral: ”love begets love”. Be it any animal or a human being, we all need love, care and respect to live a happy life. Materialistic affluences may give comforts to our tired body but not a warmth which is needed by a broken soul. True love is heavenly. It’s reflected in the eyes and shown by the conduct of a person.
When a wife is beaten up in a room by a husband or a husband is disrespected publically by his wife, not a single society bug would come to rescue the souring relation. It’s not a matter of shame if we are being given that respect and love by a person, other than our namesake life partner. Love is a give-away thing. Some open their hearts to give it away while some are in need to receive it and that’s how the happy life cycle goes on. We must try to put all our efforts if a relation is not working, but of course, if it’s taking over your self-esteem (not the ego) and affecting the mental peace, a good and healthy relation can be sought outside the circle of marriage too, with the one who is willing to bear all odds for you just forever. Falling in love after marriage is taken as a stigma in the society but nobody thinks about the root cause that leads to its birth. Life partners need to discuss openly with each other the issues that takes as much negative shape with every passing time. Think positive about each other and same vibrations would be passed and vice versa. How we react is what our life becomes. Understand all in which lies the happiness of your mate and if it lies somewhere in letting them free, then let go. Feelings and relations walk hand in hand and nobody can impose oneself on other for being loved. So those who start taking their life partners for granted after marriage, must turn the screw for the same. Transparency is a fundamental stone for building the institution of marriage. It can be attained by clearing our thought process and by attaining a control over our temptations that’s why yoga and meditation has gained so much of importance in today’s time so as to rise up from the grievances of relationships. Crux of the story is, marriage should not just be a social acceptance, but rather it should be personal acceptance by heart. When every effort fails, there remains a last path to healing (self-awakening). Why not try it for the same?
Himalayan Iyengar Yoga Centre
Dr. Shruti Bhardwaj